Greetings

What is it about saying hello that renders itself such a difficult task, at least for myself?
I couldn't have agreed more with this blog post about begrudging engagement in the formalities of familiarities. As a little girl, I would be chastised by my dad for failing to perform the obligatory respectful bow upon his arrival from work or rather, failing to look up and give him so much as a glance and a "hi." My disdain for hi's and hello's has carried on into adulthood and where not saying "hi" was once brushed off as cute or forgetful, it is now regarded as odd, cold, and downright rude. Call it a curse or a blessing but I wear my heart on my sleeve and saying hi comes the utmost naturally when I greet people I sincerely adore, love, have missed. The worst hi scenario is when I'm in an unfamiliar setting with unfamiliar acquaintances and I have to figure out the right timing for when to say hi and if I've already missed that timing, if it's okay to start a conversation as if we'd just been talking and if that's not okay, if I should just still say hi even if a substantial amount of time has already passed since I've placed myself in said setting.
On a more personal note, what keeps me from uttering this one syllable word is the fear that I'll be bombarded with an onslaught of twenty different variations of what are you doing with your life and most of all, the fear that I might not possibly ever figure out the answer.

Dear John

Currently listening to this song while anticipating rainfall later tonight.

Happy Friday everyone.

book

I was recently gifted this book by a dear friend and I'm too afraid to start it.
Why? Because I dread finishing it and ending the potentially wonderfully hilarious literary journey.
I'm too excited to start it that I never want to.

Lullaby

I like to listen to the soothing, raspy voice of Alec Baldwin before climbing into bed.
You can hear him here; I especially love the Brian Williams and Kristen Wiig episodes.

Good night world.

the PennySaver

It Chooses You by Miranda July is exactly the kind of thing I would have enjoyed doing over the summer and something I wish I'd thought of doing earlier. Reading this has reaffirmed my penchant for collecting stories and interviewing people and has made me determined to undertake a project like this in the near future.
Here is one of my favorite passages from the book:
"It was a relief, meeting someone whom I had anything at all in common with. Michael and Primila and Pauline had exhausted me with their openness and their quaint inefficiency, but Raymond and I were the same generation; we both knew how to click on things, we both had a version of our name with @ in it. But the moment I got back in my car I knew I would never see him again, ever. It suddenly seemed obvious to me that the whole world, and especially Los Angeles, was designed to protect me from these people I was meeting. There was no law against knowing them, but it wouldn't happen. LA isn't a walking city, or a subway city, so if someone isn't in my house or my car we'll never be together, not even for a moment. And just to be absolutely sure of that, when I leave my car my iPhone escorts me, letting everyone else in the post office know that I'm not really with them, I'm with my own people, who are so hilarious that I can't help smiling to myself as I text them back."

wake me up

Pumped Up Kicks

Ever wondered about those sneakers hanging on telephone wires?

Here's your answer.

I feel old but not very wise

"I'm going to read what I want ..

The Education has made me a fan of Carey Mulligan, whom I never knew much about to begin with. If I could choose any decade to go back in time to, it would be the 50's and this movie especially epitomizes the feminine silhouettes, pastel tones, and classic glamour that I adore about this era. 

Currently...
listening to: Beth Rowley's "You've Got Me Wrapped Around Your Little Finger"
coveting: a heart locket and some paisley wallpaper
wishing for: a French conversation teacher and a real The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe autographed by C.S Lewis

all images via tumblr

baby bangs

Watching Amelie has got me longing to dye my hair a mixture of jet black and mousy brown and cut my hair into a super short bob with baby bangs like these. Alas, knowing my face shape will not take to this hairstyle very well, I will just resort to a series of inspiration pictures for now and call it a day.

The Impossible

I've been on a serious movie spree as of late and watched The Impossible today.

I borrowed it on a whim at Redbox after having read the brief synopsis of it being about a family of five who survived the tsunami of 2004 in Thailand. Maybe my lack of expectations helped but the movie turned out to be an incredibly poignant and beautifully filmed story. I especially loved the orchestral soundtrack which you would normally only hear in wartime films and thought it really emphasized the brevity of the disaster. Maybe I'm just ignorant, but when I read about the tsunami during the time it occurred, I remember just gasping a couple times, being horrifically fascinated by how all the animals sensed danger and ran away before it hit, and then forgetting about it after a day or so. This movie however, made me aware of how devastating a natural disaster like this can really be and even if it's not a manmade occurrence like a bombing, the loss and pain is still there, if not more present. This movie also reminded me of this book I've been meaning to read for the longest time. Guess it'll be next on my book list!

What does it mean to lose someone?

Losing someone doesn't necessarily equate physical death.
Losing someone could mean a faded friendship.
Losing someone can mean not talking to him or her for months and then reconnecting but knowing you'll never be close to that person like you were before. It'll be awkward and like trying to ride a bicycle again but not really. The muscle memory will be there but you'll have outgrown that bike, the training wheels and handle streamers.
Losing someone means mourning the loss of that person but have you ever thought about being mourned and not the mourner?
Would you even know if you were the "lost person"? Or would you go about your daily life never knowing and obliviously not caring?
Have you ever deliberately "lost" someone?
Do you know what it means to leave everyone behind and lose yourself?
Isn't that kind of selfish?
But we've all done that. We've ignored texts, looked at but not replied to Facebook messages, forgotten to say hi how have you been, forgotten that they still exist in life, maybe just not in your life.
How can you forget about someone????
It's so cruel but we've all done it.
I have.

It's Officially Summer

90 degree weather in March has gotten me in a closet cleaning frenzy of clearing out any kind of clothing that goes past my limbs and in an inspiration frenzy of scanning tumblr pictures of patterns and tank tops instead of trapper hats and coats with cropped pants.
So, here's to the beginning of an early summer! One filled with joy rides, waves, popsicles, pink, orange, and yellow.

do what you love

"Books are smart and brilliant and wise. Love what you do and do what you love. Don't listen to anyone else who tells you not to do it. You do what you want, what you love. Imagination should be the center of your life." - Ray Bradbury

I've been on this weirdly intense creative overload which has consisted of me foraging for anything related to letting your imagination run wild, putting pen to paper, and doing what I love.

But how can I do what I love when I love too many things?

I recently took a Skillshare class on Adobe Lightroom and it's inspired me to rummage through my iPhoto albums and play around with tints and shadows and also go out shooting more, which I have yet to do...

I love experiencing new creative art forms and want to stretch my limits but deep down, I'm scared. My perfectionist self is keeping me from splattering paint and being okay with making mistakes.

How can I overcome this? 

How can I be bold?

humility and discernment

It's funny how you think you'll never be "that person" or be in "that situation" and somehow, just somehow, you manage to become that person, in that situation.
i had dinner with a friend a couple weeks ago and during our meal, she explained to me about how she was decided on leaving her church for various reasons. the whole time i was listening, i had such a strong urge to shake her and tell her, "wake up!! leaving your church isn't going to solve anything!" I did no such thing however, and chose to listen in the most understanding way that was possible for me at the time. i look back on this conversation that happened not so long ago and i wonder in surprise, awe, and amazement at how God works so perfectly in our lives. in all of our lives.
a couple days after we'd met up, i was browsing through a christian website i frequent and happened upon an article about leaving church and reasons to do so or not. i facebooked her the article link and hoped that she'd read it and really taken it into consideration regarding her decision. who would have that I would be frantically searching for that link (it didn't show up in my facebook message thread with her for some reason) and carefully reading each reason and trying to relate it to my own church life.
isn't it funny how God humbles us? that girl who wanted to shake her friend awake, as though she had profoundly sound judgment in telling others if they should really leave their churches or not, found herself struggling to discern whether to leave her own church and fighting with the desire to leave when she knew she shouldn't.
so thank you God. thank you for the humility you bestow upon us and for striking down my pride through such encounters.