What does it mean to lose someone?

Losing someone doesn't necessarily equate physical death.
Losing someone could mean a faded friendship.
Losing someone can mean not talking to him or her for months and then reconnecting but knowing you'll never be close to that person like you were before. It'll be awkward and like trying to ride a bicycle again but not really. The muscle memory will be there but you'll have outgrown that bike, the training wheels and handle streamers.
Losing someone means mourning the loss of that person but have you ever thought about being mourned and not the mourner?
Would you even know if you were the "lost person"? Or would you go about your daily life never knowing and obliviously not caring?
Have you ever deliberately "lost" someone?
Do you know what it means to leave everyone behind and lose yourself?
Isn't that kind of selfish?
But we've all done that. We've ignored texts, looked at but not replied to Facebook messages, forgotten to say hi how have you been, forgotten that they still exist in life, maybe just not in your life.
How can you forget about someone????
It's so cruel but we've all done it.
I have.

It's Officially Summer

90 degree weather in March has gotten me in a closet cleaning frenzy of clearing out any kind of clothing that goes past my limbs and in an inspiration frenzy of scanning tumblr pictures of patterns and tank tops instead of trapper hats and coats with cropped pants.
So, here's to the beginning of an early summer! One filled with joy rides, waves, popsicles, pink, orange, and yellow.

do what you love

"Books are smart and brilliant and wise. Love what you do and do what you love. Don't listen to anyone else who tells you not to do it. You do what you want, what you love. Imagination should be the center of your life." - Ray Bradbury

I've been on this weirdly intense creative overload which has consisted of me foraging for anything related to letting your imagination run wild, putting pen to paper, and doing what I love.

But how can I do what I love when I love too many things?

I recently took a Skillshare class on Adobe Lightroom and it's inspired me to rummage through my iPhoto albums and play around with tints and shadows and also go out shooting more, which I have yet to do...

I love experiencing new creative art forms and want to stretch my limits but deep down, I'm scared. My perfectionist self is keeping me from splattering paint and being okay with making mistakes.

How can I overcome this? 

How can I be bold?

humility and discernment

It's funny how you think you'll never be "that person" or be in "that situation" and somehow, just somehow, you manage to become that person, in that situation.
i had dinner with a friend a couple weeks ago and during our meal, she explained to me about how she was decided on leaving her church for various reasons. the whole time i was listening, i had such a strong urge to shake her and tell her, "wake up!! leaving your church isn't going to solve anything!" I did no such thing however, and chose to listen in the most understanding way that was possible for me at the time. i look back on this conversation that happened not so long ago and i wonder in surprise, awe, and amazement at how God works so perfectly in our lives. in all of our lives.
a couple days after we'd met up, i was browsing through a christian website i frequent and happened upon an article about leaving church and reasons to do so or not. i facebooked her the article link and hoped that she'd read it and really taken it into consideration regarding her decision. who would have that I would be frantically searching for that link (it didn't show up in my facebook message thread with her for some reason) and carefully reading each reason and trying to relate it to my own church life.
isn't it funny how God humbles us? that girl who wanted to shake her friend awake, as though she had profoundly sound judgment in telling others if they should really leave their churches or not, found herself struggling to discern whether to leave her own church and fighting with the desire to leave when she knew she shouldn't.
so thank you God. thank you for the humility you bestow upon us and for striking down my pride through such encounters.

"I am so calm I could host an NPR show."

-Up All Night episode 2

unsung skills

I was inspired by this Hello Giggles post and felt compelled to list some of the unsung skills i've discovered about myself so far.

-the ability to text and drive at 70 mph...okay i guess that's more of a safety hazard/life threat than a skill..

-eating all the leftovers i bring home

-parallel parking. well almost. LA has taught me well.


skills i wish i had:

-shaving my legs without missing a spot

currently channeling...

grandma at the farmer's market

Sadly, I believe those Barbie pink patent flats will not be lasting me much longer due to its tattered, worn out heels. Time to go a hunting for a new pair!